Writing for the internet is weird.

You start with a thought, a deep, maybe even profound idea, jot it down in your notes app, and suddenly you’re spiraling into a Google doc wondering if this is “valuable content” or just digital diarrhea.

Then comes the existential panic:
“Should I use bullet points?”
“Will this go viral?”
“Is anyone even reading this sh*t?”

If you’ve ever gone from notebook scribbles to Substack drafts to obsessively refreshing open rates like it’s crypto in 2021, welcome. You’re not alone.

The Internet Is a Drunk, Distracted Toddler

The first thing to understand: the internet does not give a flying f*ck about your writing, unless you make it care.

People are doomscrolling, juggling dopamine hits from memes, texts, and cat videos. So if you want your newsletter to survive, your writing needs to do three things:

1. Smack readers in the face (metaphorically)
2. Speak human, not corporate drone
3. Give a damn about what they give a damn about

No one’s waiting for your epic essay on “emotional resilience.” But if you start with:

“I cried in the shower after sending my 47th cold email.”
Now you’ve got their attention.

Notes Are Raw. Newsletters Are Cooked (Ideally)

Your notes app is the unfiltered brain dump, like a drunken conversation with your future self.
But turning that into a newsletter? That’s cooking a meal.

And just like cooking, you need:

• A main idea (your protein)
• A bit of structure (your seasoning)
• And most importantly, a sense of who the hell you’re feeding

If you write like a TED Talk hostage, people click away.
If you write like a real person with a real story and real stakes?
People stick around. And maybe even hit “subscribe.”

Forget Perfection. Embrace Punch

Trying to sound smart on the internet is like wearing a tux to a bar fight. Not only will you lose, everyone will hate you while it happens.

Instead:

• Write like you’re texting a friend.
• Cut the fluff. (No one cares about your “deep dive” unless it’s deep and human.)
• Lead with your scars, not your resume.

People don’t want gurus. They want real. The awkward, uncertain, “WTF am I doing” parts. That’s where trust lives.

Call to Action? More Like Call to Care

Don’t end your newsletter begging people to “Like and Share.”
End it by giving them something that lingers in their brain longer than their morning coffee.

Ask them something. Challenge something. Flip a script.

“If you’re feeling behind, maybe the timeline you’re following wasn’t yours to begin with.”
That’ll do more than 17 bullet points on time-blocking ever could.

TL;DR (Because of Course)

• Start messy, edit with intent.
• Be real, not robotic.
• Talk to people, not at them.
• Write like your words matter, because they might.

Final Thought:

The internet is noisy, sure. But it’s also full of humans craving something real. If your writing can cut through the crap and speak from the heart, then congratulations, you’re not just writing a newsletter.

You’re starting a conversation that might actually matter.

And that’s kind of the whole point, isn’t it?